There are a lot of reasons to why I'm writing this.

I've always been a reader of pathways. I'm usually very good at seeing the different roads people can take, based on their decisions and the decisions of the people close to them. But there's one future I can't ever see, and that's my own. There are too many doubts and vulnerabilities in the way for me to make any clear predictions of what will happen to me.

There's a reason I'm saying this. I can't read my future. I don't know if things will ever work out for me and you, but my fear gives rise to hope, which is something I rarely ever feel. When you talk to me, I can feel my heart skip a beat and my mind shuts down. Either you've given me a terrible incurable disease, or there's something infinitely strange going on.

This is the part where normal people would say "I love you," but I've never been close to normal in my life. To be honest, I hate you. I hate the fact that you've opened this box that can never be closed. I hate how you've torn a hole in my armor and looked inside. I hate the eyes you look at me with, the voice that haunts me in my sleep. I hate the fact you've made me love you.

If my life had turned out differently, then maybe things might be easier. I have never wanted to be someone else more. I'm a dark character, a villain, the bad guy in the story. Why would you ever pick the broken one, out of all the fish in the sea? You're turning me into someone I'm not, and it scares me.

There are a million difference I can count between you and me, a thousand reason why we shouldn't ever work out. A hundred reasons 'Why not' but only one reason 'Why'.

I love you.

The past is the past. Whoever was at fault doesn't matter at this time. In the here and now, all you know is that you and another are in a state of hostility. At this point, there are two things you can do. You can let it go, and let it rot until one of you makes a move, or you can deal with the problem and fix things. It doesn't matter who was at fault, because that's in the past. The only thing you need to do is make things right. Don't rekindle the fire, and you don't have to apologize, but settle things, because the world has enough negativity as it is. Don't go to your grave with animosity in your heart.

Realize how you never see any emo or goth or hippie adults (discounting the very rare occasion)? It's because that, as a teenage, you're subjected to cliques and gangs and people 'like you', who share ideologies and therefore band together in a subculture of 'oppression'. But when you grow up, you realize that shit like that doesn't matter - everyone is more or less the same. Which is why we have adults who belong to the same robotic routine, stuck in a monotony, remembering with longing the rebellious kids they once were.

It's amusing yet infinitely strange how I can always find the right words on a piece of paper but they never seem to roll off my tongue quite as easily. Poetry is so much harder when you don't have time to think about it.