We live in a cold world.

As a race, I think our prevailing attitude is that we're capable and mature enough to handle our own affairs. In this country we've this mentality that freedom is paramount to all other things.

I tend to think of humanity as errant children. We've rejected our higher powers, freeing ourselves from gods like children running from their parents. We've reached our hands out to take freedoms that may be more curse than blessing. We live in a world where we can select the traits of our children. We can alter our own genetics, change our lives to however we see fit. We can even use drugs to alter the makeup of our own personalities. However, we've done these things at cost, and we're entering a Brave New World.

The human mind craves the answer to questions, but also craves the mystery those questions pose. Any puzzle is intriguing until the answer is known - we are only entertained by crossword puzzles until we solve them, we are only interested in riddles until we know the answer. In this sense, the mysteries of the world capture our imagination until we are given the answers.

Look at the imagination of children that we lose as we get older. As kids, we're so entertained by the simplest of things. The flight of birds, the sunset in the sky, and all the other worldly miracles become little more than scientific curiosities as we age. We're no longer entranced by the mysteries of the world. Instead, the joy of seeing your child for the first time is replaced by the bored sensation one would expect on a delivery of a package. The aurora is reduced to the wavelengths of energy hitting the atmosphere. Everything is quantized, calculated, even down to our genes. What is happening?

We live in a world where robot planes spy on us, and fire missiles at our enemies. Death from above. We're moving towards a future where industry rules, and men of steel and electricity will take our jobs and our lives. We want ease of life, everything at our fingertips, but we've forgotten what it means to live.

Humanity strives to replace chaos with order, until our universe is entirely predictable. We fear the unknown. We fear uncertainty, we fear what we cannot control. But by moving towards a future where we can control everything, we're reducing our freedom at the same time. We need chaos. We need fear. We need those things that push us to be better people. We must learn to cope with that fear, instead of eliminating what we cannot control.

Turn life around. We cannot rely so much on our technology and so little on our own abilities. We cannot steal from this world without paying a price. Our safety comes at the cost of complacency. Our freedom comes at the cost of immorality. Our technology comes at the cost of laziness. Our life comes at the cost of lifelessness.

So live. Breathe, walk, jump and play.

We are all atheists. You don't believe in Zeus or Thor or Venus. There are a thousand gods you don't believe in. Why does it bother you that someone doesn't believe in a thousand and one?

I always found the pursuit of truth to be somewhat meaningless. I made this page to document my search for that elusive quality, and I think that, in trying to find the truth, we only serve to deceive ourselves.

What is truth? Artists and poets all claim to have captured truth, but the only truth I've encountered is in places unexpected. The mouth of a homeless man overflows with the truth. The eyes of a man who has seen war shine with the truth. The hands of a single mother are positively coated in the truth. The closest I've ever come to seeing the truth is in my own tragedy - when no lie can cover up what you know to be real.

What is truth? I don't know what truth is, but I know where I can find it.

What is truth?

Truth is the word from the mouth of a child,
One clear drop of rain when the weather is mild,
A message without limits, judgments, or bias.
The shapes on the earth when the sun is its highest.

It's the bright flash of lightning as it strikes in the sky.
And last words at a bedside when one comes to die.
The pain of a mother when her son goes to fight,
And the whisper the wind howls out late at night.

A hungry man digging in the dumpster out back,
And the desperate scraps that he keeps in a sack.
The wounds of a man who crossed the wrong gang,
His life ended short by the sound of a bang.

Words come to life when the world is the worst,
When hearts are in need and ready to burst.
Our lies are laid bare by the things that we fear,
But when all hope is lost then truth will appear.

There are a lot of reasons to why I'm writing this.

I've always been a reader of pathways. I'm usually very good at seeing the different roads people can take, based on their decisions and the decisions of the people close to them. But there's one future I can't ever see, and that's my own. There are too many doubts and vulnerabilities in the way for me to make any clear predictions of what will happen to me.

There's a reason I'm saying this. I can't read my future. I don't know if things will ever work out for me and you, but my fear gives rise to hope, which is something I rarely ever feel. When you talk to me, I can feel my heart skip a beat and my mind shuts down. Either you've given me a terrible incurable disease, or there's something infinitely strange going on.

This is the part where normal people would say "I love you," but I've never been close to normal in my life. To be honest, I hate you. I hate the fact that you've opened this box that can never be closed. I hate how you've torn a hole in my armor and looked inside. I hate the eyes you look at me with, the voice that haunts me in my sleep. I hate the fact you've made me love you.

If my life had turned out differently, then maybe things might be easier. I have never wanted to be someone else more. I'm a dark character, a villain, the bad guy in the story. Why would you ever pick the broken one, out of all the fish in the sea? You're turning me into someone I'm not, and it scares me.

There are a million difference I can count between you and me, a thousand reason why we shouldn't ever work out. A hundred reasons 'Why not' but only one reason 'Why'.

I love you.

The past is the past. Whoever was at fault doesn't matter at this time. In the here and now, all you know is that you and another are in a state of hostility. At this point, there are two things you can do. You can let it go, and let it rot until one of you makes a move, or you can deal with the problem and fix things. It doesn't matter who was at fault, because that's in the past. The only thing you need to do is make things right. Don't rekindle the fire, and you don't have to apologize, but settle things, because the world has enough negativity as it is. Don't go to your grave with animosity in your heart.

Realize how you never see any emo or goth or hippie adults (discounting the very rare occasion)? It's because that, as a teenage, you're subjected to cliques and gangs and people 'like you', who share ideologies and therefore band together in a subculture of 'oppression'. But when you grow up, you realize that shit like that doesn't matter - everyone is more or less the same. Which is why we have adults who belong to the same robotic routine, stuck in a monotony, remembering with longing the rebellious kids they once were.